At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
