I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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