HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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