I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
