I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
