oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
