if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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