wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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