yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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