if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
