did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
