Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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