Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
