My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
