Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
