$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
