Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I touched a dick in church today
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
