sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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