i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
