I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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