Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
