you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
