I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
