just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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