pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I am mentally ready for anal.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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