Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You've changed since you got that strap on
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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