i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I deserve this hangover.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
