I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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