nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
