I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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