dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
