please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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