it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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