Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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