Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
