I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
