I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this beer tastes like vomit already
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
