woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I FOUND THE LEGS
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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