ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
