Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
