i don't like sucking hair
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
