smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
there's paper in my vomit.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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