you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
