Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
