I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
