I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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