Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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