addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
