He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
