New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
